Did you know ....
CowTech bred the first invisible cow by combining a Holstein cow with an extinct Auroch bull. Because it was extinct, the Auroch's genetic material could not be seen, thus making the calf invisible and half extinct at the same time. CowTech's marketing branch assures the public that this makes perfect sense to their scientists.
Invisible cows were reportedly bred by CowTech Industries because they wanted to expand the cattle industry into new fields like military intelligence-gathering and invisible-ness. Also, as the CEO of CowTech stated, they thought it would be "really freaking awesome."
Sadly, they lost control of the new breed they had created because they couldn't see the cows. To this day, many of the employees of CowTech actually believe the cows are still there. It is impossible to convince the employees to go into the corrals to verify the presence of the cows because of the cows' deadliness. The invisible cow is now a feral species.
Other Theories
Some cowologists theorize that invisible cows actually came from outer space, since the only place they have actually been not seen is Mauna Kea Observatories in Hawaii. This is rejected by CowTech Industries, who have dubbed the theory "invisible bullshit."
Biology
If you close your eyes, this should give you an idea of what invisible cows look like.Invisible cows have a biology that is identical to normal cows, except that their body parts are invisible to all known means of detection. Also, they are way smarter and more aggressive. Nobody can see invisible cows, no matter who they are or what kinds of fancy machines they use. The only way you can tell if one is present is when you walk in to one accidently, or, more likely, you are suddenly gored by its invisible horns and trampled to death by invisible hooves. See Dangers below.
Die-t
Grass and dirt are the invisible cow's preferred diet, although they are known to steal the occasional Snickers™ bar or a coffee crisp to get more caffeine in them, and have a fondness for chamomile herb tea in the evenings. In fact, that Snickers™ bar you thought I stole was probably taken by an invisible cow.
Much speculation surrounds whether or not the food invisible cows eat turns invisible once they swallow it. Some cowologists believe that anything that enters the cow's body becomes invisible, which would explain why no one has ever seen half-chewed grass and Snickers™ bars floating around in invisible cow territory. Others theorize that because the cow's body is invisible, one should be able to see the food inside the cow's body, and the reason no one has ever seen the visible contents of an invisible cow's stomach is because they don't actually live in places suspected of being invisible cow territory, and we wouldn't be able to tell because we can't see them.
Invisble cows are famous for their clear-colored milk. It is 57% less easy-to-see than regular milk. It is also been suspected to cure cancer, Aids, and the common cold.
Dangers
This is the only known case of invisible cows caught on film. The photographer has not been seen or heard from since.
Hunting
Hunting the invisible cow is a very dangerous, but extremely rewarding, endeavor. Because invisible cows are very intelligent and sneaky, most hunts end with the would-be hunter being trampled or, occasionally, given a killer wedgie. This can be great fun to watch, as the hapless hunter is lifted several feet off the ground when the invisible cow hooks its invisible horns into his underwear.
Conspiracies
Invisible cows are also known to act as mercenaries for such secret organizations as the Freemasons, the CIA, the Elders of Zion, the Cabal, and Hershey's Chocolate. No one knows why they do this or what the cows are being paid to do, because it's a secret, dummy. Seriously though, nobody can make any sense of it, since the cows would obviously just steal some Snickers™ bars and run away with the money. Still, don't trust any invisible cows claiming to work for "the government." They're probably telling the truth.
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http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Invisible_cow )
